Wrestling with a Stranger

Wrestling with a stranger.

Genesis 32:24
So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

Anyone can easily win a wrestling match. But who can win an internal wrestle with one own self that easily?

To the Christians, that man was an angel. To me, it represents the internal self.

Inside of us, we have many personalities, too many that makes us each unique, each difficult to be understood. At the same time, towards a particular item, we may have mixed feelings. It just all depends on at that time, which personality wins. For example, talking about ice cream; most of us love ice cream, but some of us may think twice when even eating it. One part of us tells us yes, another tells us how useless it is to our body.
So we face many wrestles inside of us, at each decision. The bigger the decision, the larger the wrestle.

I've been in a prolonged wrestle for close to 6 months already. Part of me tells me yes, part of it persuades me a no. i haven't been able to dictate who wins, but i do know that as i drag, i suffer procrastination and the part saying no wins. Additionally, i suffer in terms of being satisfied with myself.

I also have many other wrestles, with myself, my way of dealing with other people and even sometimes my own ideas. Most of the times, I tend to lose. Now if reading self-help books actually help me with it, it'll be darn good.

I have no other choice but to confront myself, to resolve my internal issues, but yet, i dare not do it alone. Maybe sometime, i might have to get someone willing to help me with it.