Jolt

It has been quite a hectic week for me. I've been working back to back almost everyday starting from Tuesday until today where I finally got to rest and splurged all my time on merely sleeping alone. Work has never been that tiring for me while I'm on it and reality that I actually get tired catches up with me when I end work.

As I was walking back home today morning from that shift from yesterday till today morning, totally tired and desperately wanting to collapse on a bed, I thought to myself, what am I doing all these for? What is the real meaning behind it? Despite wanting more financial aid, that probably isn't the determining factor for me working this way I am.

I am myself sincerely fearful of going with the flow and start treating it as a routine, which if I do, probably will lead to my demise. My demise refers to the fact that I'd stop growing as a person and stop learning, and anything that stops that basically is a zombie.

I have always stood my ground. I wouldn't forget why I joined Starbucks for. I could have chosen a better company or a higher paid one, but I chose Starbucks. I came there to learn, and for the first part, I did really try my best to learn. As I now approach proficiency with whatever I've learnt, I wonder, if the routine of my daily work has caught up with me, such that I now forget to start learning and continue growing.

Nevertheless, that brief moment of self-consciousness has jolted me back and I now know why I'm trying to be nice, winning people who dislike me to my side, why I'm willing to be so poorly paid, why I am reading all the books, why I am willing to travel so far and all. I do need to control my thinking and so I can steer myself into the hands of my destination.